The Devil Went Down To Lincoln Center

How did I—Karen Ermahgad, first chair cellist in the New York Symphony Orchestra—get here? Satan. Of course. A Ouija, virgin blood, sold my soul, yadda-yadda. I am greatest cellist in the world.

I went from the Waukesha Jubilee Friends Salvation Army band to full ride at Juilliard, and beyond. Then nothing.

I was arguing with a cabbie on 66^th and Columbus— His face mask was below his nose and he had no CNPC medallion and I wasn’t paying the fare—when he totally shoved me and my cello into an oncoming bus.

When whisked down to Hell I told them all about it. But, wallowing in offal and being jabbed with pitchforks is one thing, I get it. But toiling in a pit with a thousand other souls? Social distancing, duh.

Now, I am in this endless void talking to myself. For eternity. But at least its sterile.